YOU ARE NOT ALL OF YOU

May 20th, 2018

We may often have thoughts that are disturbing. Things that we do not want to associate with who we like to think we are are.

Anxiety about such thoughts only seems to worsen the problem. Worry about it more and you have those thoughts more often. Fear them, and then they gain some real power, occurring non-stop.

What does this tell us about the brain?

How about this: Don’t think about the purple elephant.

What do you think about?

The brain is simply incapable of thinking about a true absence. 

The trick is to come up with something else to think about. This requires zooming out. Awareness, creativity. Coming up with an alternative and concentrating on that.

If the fact that you are ‘depressed’ is such a constant subject, how is it ever going to change if it is not replaced?

What you see is all there is.

What you think is all you are.

But what about the thoughts you don’t feel you can necessarily control?

This seems to indicate that there are parts of your brain that are not readily controllable by your conscious self. They yield influence, but you feel as though you yield no influence over those parts.

At least not in that moment-to-moment wanting and directing that is our conscious life…

How can we be subversive to these parts of our brains? Use what we know ‘about’ such areas and use it against those areas. 

Consider this fact: those who engage in meditation do not begin to see/feel positive results of meditation till a minimum of 6-8 weeks.

What is going on in the brain during that whole time? All that work, and no obvious impact. 

Then magically.

Oh. I think I notice a difference. 

Where is it coming from? Why don’t I have direct access to all those parts?

Maybe not direct access. But access nonetheless. Those who meditate chip away at blocks of the mind. They turn ugly knots of neurons into calmer regions. It’s like working out. You aren’t going to have a six-pack overnight. It takes time.

Soon those ugly thoughts will be gone.

But you have to put the work in everyday.

WIGGLE

May 19th, 2018

This episode references episode 15: Firebomb your Life

Drastically changing the situation is nearly certain to bring out a different person.

However.

Most of us cannot firebomb our life, move to a new place, wipe the slate clean and start over.

Most of us are stuck in many ways. Not just mentally and emotionally. But also situational: via responsibilities, loved ones, money, etc.

Often those situational aspects get the brunt of blame for our mental and emotional stagnation. 

But that again is laziness.

Sure, it’s fun to uproot your life, cast to the wind and go explore a new place. This is a big reason why people love to travel. It is exciting and it can have good effects. But often the same problems that get blamed on the situational aspects of home come along for the ride, and anyone who is in that ‘new place’ long enough for the initial excitement to wear off will find those problems cropping up again. Real change still requires dedication and work.

Not just a flashy action.

Applying that same initial excitement to the everyday – that’s difficult. 

But worth it.

Start small, and aim big.

Pick one thing to improve. Once a solution has wings and is flying in a better direction. Pick another. They don’t have to be big.

Say, improve your sleep. 

Identify what is keeping it from quality. Perhaps late meals are screwing with your metabolism at night. Perhaps the early morning sun makes sleeping difficult during those last couple hours. Perhaps your back always hurts. These are all a pain in the ass. But they are low hanging fruit. There are simple solutions to all of these, and implementing just one will improve everyday just a little. Compound enough of these: no more eating after 6pm, black-out drapes for the windows, a firmer mattress… and the positive effects start to add up. Soon great sleep means better performance during the whole day. A couple solutions for one problem have aided other things.

In just the same way that all the negative situational aspects of life have compounded to make us feel stuck.

A box isn’t just pried open. First we have to wiggle that flathead screw driver between the boards and make some space for the crowbar.

Somehow worms make their way through the ground just fine with no arms, legs, or any appendages. You’d think they’d be stuck. It’s amazing how far a little wiggle can get. Like that flathead screw driver.

Don’t expect to blow the lid off a box of full-on, over-night change.

That’s doomed to disappoint.

Find an edge.

An easy problem.

Low hanging fruit.

And wiggle.

ROSE-COLORED CUFFS

May 18th, 2018

This episode references episode 25: Preacher vs. Teacher vs. Party-maker and episode 21: The Montage is False.

Those who care for us do so –presumably- for a simple reason: because of who we are.

A heavy pour and quick shot of logic produces this trap: 

If I change, will they still love me?

This is dangerous. First and foremost because it is an assumption. What’s to say that family and friends won’t love you more if you change?

And if it feels painful to merely exist.

Painful to think.

Painful to operate.

Painful to just get up in the morning.

Painful to just keep going. . .

Anyone who loves you will be open arms, and let you go through that open door of change. They will be there on the other side too, waiting for you again.

That is the cheesy ideal circumstance. Meaning, it's not usually the case.

Not everyone is open to such change: changes in ourselves often uncomfortably highlight changes that loved ones need to make in themselves. This can be finagled into a virtuous cycle, a community of change. But it requires tender gloves, and flexible, agile, experimenting, often counter-intuitive thinking. Difficult. Perhaps trying to navigate the already-difficult path of changing one's self is enough for the moment. Don't take on the whole world around you.

Take heed that change happens slowly.

Declarations of a better you and a better future need not be made. Keep it a secret. The montage is not going to happen overnight.

Think of change more like a subversive tree root cracking the sidewalk. You never notice until after it's happened.

The very aggravating aspect of change - that it happens so slowly – can be an ally when it comes to the restraining influence of loved ones. Before they notice, the good habits will have their hold. Before they can complain, you’re fortifications will be built. Before they doubt, your work will speak for itself.

Loved ones intend to be supportive. But often their own fears, insecurities and inequities turn their influence into rose-colored handcuffs. Working to keep you as you are, so they don't have to confront such an up-close example of the fact that change is possible. That a better you can be built. And in turn prove that they too could build a better self too.

Those who have any fear of change work against feeling that kind of obligation. No matter what they might think or say about being supportive. It's the old reptile part of the brain hijacking the higher executive function in the name of the sacred cause of laziness.

Don’t struggle against them, and preach as a prisoner.

Quietly plan your escape. 

Study the lock.

By the time they notice you’ve escaped, You’ll be kickin’ it on a beach in Mexico.

So to speak.

(And who knows, they might just be inspired to join you: the Party-maker.)

REAR-VIEW

May 17th, 2018

The past is undeniably important. It contains all the experiences that have influenced who we are. It is the single vast ingredient required for reflection. It stores all the information that allows us to make sense of the present. It feels exceptionally realistic and overwhelmingly convincing. Because once: it was reality.

But reality is not the past.

Reality is something new. It incorporates many aspects of the past. But to think it is the past or even very close to the past is to live in the past. To do this is to live in a conceptual version of the present based on a present that no longer exists - Except in the mind. To do this is to ignore reality. Let time slip by you. To be robbed of the future.

Where is the balance? Between reflection and practicing awareness in the present moment?

While driving we mostly look at the road in front of us, and only routinely make quick checks in our mirrors, which are very useful tools.

But we cannot do both at the same time.

We cannot keep our eyes on the road in front of us AND check our mirrors.

You must do one or the other.

If you are too focused on your mistakes, misfortunes & misery, you might be blind to avoid the next crash right in front of you.

Would it be a good idea to stare in your rear-view mirror the whole time while driving? 

Even most of the time?

Do you have your eyes on what’s in front of you?

PILLS, THERAPISTS AND THE IKEA EFFECT

May 16th, 2018

1.

How many of us have heard these sorts of responses?

"I suffer from depression and anxiety..."

"Yes, I take something for it."

"Yes, I see a therapist."

"Yes, I've put a bow on the issue."

"...yes, I am still depressed and anxious. It's better, but..."

2.

Much of the economy runs on a single, simple and fragile idea.  The idea that you can: get someone else to do it.  Outsource the responsibility.

Throw money at the problem, and it will sort itself out.

Well that might work. But really what's happening is paying for responsibility displacement.  Bureaucratic corporations are stellar at this:

"Should we mine the talent we already have, invest in that talent and develop it? Or should we hire a consultant?"

Consultant. Definitely a consultant. (Is usually what happens. And some consultants are good. The good ones realize how limited their reach and influence is and work with that. Most consultants, however, act like a temp boss that commandeers, trying to prove themselves, instead of asking, what can these people do? Where is the disconnect, how can they flourish? How can I succeed by making the need for a consultant irrelevant?)

3.

The best doctor I've ever interacted with was a physical therapist. After hearing the details of my ailment, he said something to this effect:

"Ok we’ll probably have half a dozen sessions, probably fewer.  The degree to which you regain strength and function, however, is ultimately up to you and the work you put in."

This guy could have fed me some bullshit medical lingo and easily pumped me for money for months.  But he opted for the opposite: a balance between minimum effort and maximum results, and made it abundantly clear that my health was in large part my own responsibility.  He was kind, patient, listened very well and ultimately: enabled me to solve the problem.

Of the dozen or so Physical Therapists that work in the same office, his waitlist is the longest, by double.

He is an example of reversing the responsibility economy. By providing the tightest, most succinct and densest value possible.

There is tremendous negative opportunity to take advantage of people's desire to outsource responsibility. But there are two people for every tango.

Blame cannot be solely placed on the corporation, the bad doctor, and all those who take advantage.

The consumer, the client, the customer, the guest.. is just as big a target for that blame. Probably more considering the old adage that demand creates the supply - rarely the other way around.

Be wary of how responsibility is outsourced. Do you genuinely need expertise solving a particular issue? Or are you hoping someone else will solve it if you throw money at them?

4.

The success of IKEA has been at least partially attributed to something termed "the IKEA effect".

Simply put: people like the things they own more, if they build those things themselves.

IKEA created a sort of symbiotic relationship and benefited from putting a little of the responsibility of construction onto their consumers.

My physical therapist did the same thing.

5.

What about mental health?

Some quick casual research will reveal that physical exercise is just as effective as Prozac.

2-3 months of daily mediation also begins to produce equally powerful results.

And yet so many opt to feed a pharmaceutical corporation, and less-than-brilliant therapists who also need to pay bills and have had years of schooling that may or may not function like implicit biases against you, convincing everyone, including you, that you are sick.

The good thing about rock bottom is that it's a great foundation.

The good thing about the IKEA effect is that if you build a better you, you’ll have no one to blame for that success, except yourself. And no one can take it away from you.  And if you need to do it again and again and again.  You’ll know how.

Legos anyone?