REACH OUT

July 9th, 2018

This episode references Episode 10: Priorities and Episode 23: Pause, if you haven’t checked out that episode, listen to it, or read it before this episode.

The whims of fate have an unforgiving knack for reeling into focus what our PRIORITIES should have been.

This happens because we can’t be sure what requires our urgent attention.  Something at the bottom of the list might need to be at the top.

“Oh but there is plenty of time for that.”

Or so we think.

Then the randomness of the universe slips us up.  Something happens.  Something unexpected, and suddenly it’s too late.  No amount of reprioritization will crank back the invincible wheels of time.

We can safeguard against these sorts of unhappy occurrences.  But only if we PAUSE every single day and think deeply about what our PRIORITIES should be.  It doesn’t need to take that long.  Just look at that to-do list and ask the right question.

Often at this juncture the question is wrong.  At least with the current culture.

We ask this question:  If this were the last day of your life, what would you do?

This question is not helpful while looking at our PRIORITIES.  Almost all of us would simply toss the whole sheet of priorities and rewrite it from scratch.

We have to look at it the other way around.

How about this question:  If this were the last day you had a chance to do any of the items on your to-do list, would you reorganize it?  Would anything float to the top?

All of this is to reiterate a simple message that is not said often enough:

If there is someone in your life who you have been meaning to reach out to.

Do it today. Right Now.

It might be your last chance.

PERPETUAL NEWBIE

July 8th, 2018

This episode references Episode 63: The Etymology of Fear, and Episode 77 The Proper Way to Fail

If we have been branded with the title of ‘expert’ it comes with the fear that our lack of perfect expertise will be discovered.

This creates teachers and professors who sidestep shots at the holes in their knowledge by belittling, demeaning, insulting and generally being aloof and basking in the aura afforded by the phenomenon Jaque Lacan termed: ‘the subject presumed to know”

We presume the doctor knows what health means. 

We presume the programmer knows what all code means. 

We presume the politician knows how a country should be run.

We presume a therapist will… know our own mind better than we do ourselves? 

(It is interesting how such knowledgeable people can still be subject to such childish emotions and complementarily childish ways of dealing with those emotions.  Think of that math teacher who made you feel stupid when you asked a question.)

We presume people will expect us to know the answer since we’ve been given the title.

The title can be a good thing. 

When people are ‘thrown’ into a new role, they often surprise.  The ‘role’, or ‘title’ becomes a new way that they see themselves, giving rise to a new way their mind can think.

How are the trappings sidestepped?

With the very root that began the process: the perspective of the newbie.

The best teachers and professors are not intimidated by questions that probe the edge of their knowledge and understanding.  In fact, they seem to hunger for such questions, exuding gratefulness to the student that asks, that helps them on their own drive towards better command of their subject, toward greater satisfaction of their curiosity.

That’s one side of the act, the other side is taking things less seriously.

A true newbie knows that they’ll screw up and make mistakes.  So such mistakes aren’t taken seriously when they happen. 

The expert fears making the mistake.

But learning is largely achieved through mistakes.

The result of a mistake gives feedback that can clue someone into what might be a better way to operate, proceed, attempt.

The trick? 

Remember: Titles don’t mean much.

Taking them seriously only defeats their purpose.

Like comedians.

MEMORY MUTABLE

July 7th, 2018

Every time a memory is recalled, it is not like pulling up a picture from a folder in your computer.  It happens more like this:

Imagine getting a lego set.  You open the box, dump all the pieces on the ground and turn to page 1 of the instruction booklet.

Selecting the pieces called for, you slowly build the lego star ship, or castle or submarine.  You proceed from one step to the next, until you are done.  And then your creation is immediately taken away from you.  Instruction booklet and all.

That’s our analogy for experiencing reality on the fly.

What about memory?

Let time pass.

Now dump a truckload of random legos on the floor.  With no instruction booklet, rebuild the lego star ship, castle, submarine, or whatever it was you experienced building.

How accurate do you think you’ll be?

When you ‘remember’ again, might you build it differently?  Most likely you do not remember all the steps.  You only remember the broad strokes.  The feeling.

And your ‘rebuild’?  The result of your remembering?  That gets taken away from you too.  Immediately.

Maybe that first time you rebuilt from scratch, it wasn’t quite right, so next time you change something so that it feels more accurate.  But then that second rebuild gets taken away from you too.  Immediately. 

Recalling the same memory over and over does not necessarily make it stronger the way flash cards improve memory of specific information.

That memory is most definitely changing.

It’s like a game of telephone.  We all know that one.  One person whispers a sentence into the person next to them in a big circle.  Inevitably it changes.  What comes back?  Who knows.  The only thing that’s certain is that it’s not going to be the original.

What are you telling yourself?

What should you tell yourself?

Whatever it is, it would be wise to bring along some healthy skepticism with regards to how accurate you’re being with yourself.

THE COMPLAINT

July 6th, 2018

This episode references Episode 72: Perseverance Vs. Pivot, Episode 77 The Proper Way to Fail, and Episode 23: entitled Pause. If you'd like to fully understand these references, please check out these episodes first.

Why do so many mope and grope?

It’s easy, for one.

Why is it easy? 

The complaint follows an ancient formula that has changed little.  It is akin to a picture frame that a person carries around and looks through every time they see something that could be better.  Or just a pair of shit-streaked glasses.  There is no need to interact with the problem.  Just observe, feel, speak.  The observation is certain.  It is an accurate depiction of reality.  It deceives us into feeling certain about reality, as though we have identified it, nailed it down, called it out once and for all.

Certainty is a wondrously cozy feeling.  We seek more of it.  And the formula is very easy to apply.  This act in the name of certainty helps perpetuate the status quo. Because no changing action ever comes from this formula.  And the longer it perpetuates, the longer our "observation" is valid and the more solid our sense of certainty about reality.  This is a vicious cycle.

What is the opposite of the complaint?

Buckling down, staring an uncertain path in the face and trying to figure out how to get the current state of things to morph into a better future.

No easy formula there.

Does this have the potential for a habit?

Only in the vaguest way.

Or by means of small specific habits: Remembering The Pause.  The think.  The Experiment.  The Interpretation of Failure as Feedback.  The Pivot.  .  . this list goes on.

The conundrum is this:

Developing many difficult habits vs. one easy ancient one?

That’s why the complaint is rampant.

So next time you feel like criticizing someone for wearing rose-tinted glasses.

PAUSE.

That optimism can float someone through a few of the difficult habits.

And if that’s the case.

They can probably figure something out.

Do you have a problem?

Well if you’re looking for someone optimistic to solve it.

Then you have two.

WALK AND TALKING

July 5th, 2018

This episode references a few others: Episode 63: The Etymology of Fear, Episode 59: Frequency, Episode 38: Confidence 2.0, and Episode 14: Sample all the Kool-Aides

The common phrase is to walk the talk.  Or do what you say you will.

Even this is difficult, to take action based on things we know and proclaim we believe and hope for.  You think it would be easier.

But let’s take a step back and look at something even harder.

We have all read a book, or heard a concept that felt at once like an illuminating revelation and a comforting confirmation.

Did we take action based on the new idea?  Or did we simply slide our own views closer to the interesting, perhaps well-articulated idea?  No change is necessary if we are simply coming across a finer-tuned confirmation of what we have always known and believed, right?

Let’s take another step back and look at something even harder.

We all come across ideas and concepts that we do not like.  That happens every day and our sensitivity to such things is frankly, ridiculous.  But what about that space between these last two spots on the spectrum?  Somewhere between… coming across an illuminating confirmation and something that provokes a straight-up NO.  Something that teases out a little curiosity but also makes us raise our guard? 

This is that hazy space that defines our boundaries. 

And yet, is it not universally regarded as a good thing when we push our own boundaries?  Is it not universally regarded as growth?  

Does this not imply that we should encourage strong curiosity when it comes to things that raise our guard?

There are three simple steps here:

First is simply doing what we say: Walking the Talk.  That’s perhaps the first box to check off.

The second is pushing our boundaries.  And those are often found by experimenting with views that we aren’t sure we agree with.  And.

Experimenting can only be done through action. We must take action based on views that we are not fully on board with in order to experience the results.

Not talk, not thought, only action, only by walking that talk.  Experimenting with new talk, and walking it.  That’s growth.

The third is the most radical:  To not simply disagree flat-out with others and their concepts, but to develop the right balance of skepticism and Confidence 2.0 that allows you to wholly abandon your own views for a little while and try on a different pair of shoes.  And then take a walk in them. 

This might sound like some nerve-wracking heresy, and in some instances it can be dangerous, and one can easily lose their way in favor of people adept at manipulation.  But it’s also the quickest method for say… learning a language.  Full, unapologetic immersion.  Nothing is going to get you speaking Chinese faster than moving to some part of rural China where English simply doesn’t exist.  To simply function requires a nearly wholesale abandoning of one’s native language.

Let’s dial it back to something less extreme.  Say a common topic of contention.  How would such a conversation go if you had already donned the perspective you disagree with?  And not simply thought and talked about, but acted differently as per the perspective and experienced the results of such.

Consistency, of a certain variety, is far too overrated in today’s day and age.  We must remember what both Charles Darwin and Abraham Lincoln once said…

The former said “It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” Or rather the one most willing to change.

And when the celebrated president was accused of political flip-flopping on an issue, he said “I like to think I’m smarter today than I was yesterday.”

Simply put, changing your mind is a sign of health, and potentially a vastly more efficient recipe for success.  It requires flexibility, which is a kind of creativity, and by sampling all the kool-aides, we can pick out the best ingredients, and from the morass, concoct our own secret sauce.

Frankly.  It’s not enough to walk the talk.  That’s where you start.  That’s the foundation.

Where you go is ultimately determined by how carefully you listen.

And then of course,

You have to develop the courage to risk changing.